Back to Work

And just like that...my maternity leave is over. When I was pregnant, I thought that being home for almost three months with a newborn would seem like forever, that it would drag on and on. Everyone told me that it would go by fast, but I kept thinking "It's almost three MONTHS...I haven't been home for that long without working since I was in high school!" Well, they were right and I was wrong. I feel like I blinked and it was over. And yet...the entire thing seems like a blur! I think back to the first eight weeks or so when Emery was so incredibly fussy and high-maintenance and how if you had asked me then, I would have told you that I couldn't wait to go back to work. I craved adult interaction, a set schedule and a break from hearing her cry all day. But now I wish that I had appreciated even those really frustrating moments a little more, because obviously I can't get them back now. And the last three or four weeks when she really started interacting and turning into a fun baby are so precious to me, and I am so incredibly grateful that I had this time with her. I know that there are many people who can't spend almost 12 weeks at home with their babies, so I do know how lucky I am. I will tell you, though, that it doesn't make it any easier to make this transition.

Wednesday Sept. 17th was my first day back in the office. I have to say that it wasn't the best day of my life...leaving Emery was very difficult, even though she is staying most of the time with Lesley (my mother-in-law) so I know she is in great hands! When I got to work I found that I did not have a work station because our offices are being renovated and they have everyone crammed into one tiny space. They simply have no room for me, and I am stuck out in a hallway at a table. Yes, that's right - in a hallway. It is very distracting and I can already tell that I cannot do my job effectively there. I will need to divide my time between the office (if you can call it that!) and working from home, I believe, in order to get anything productive done. I realize that everyone is making sacrifices in order for the renovations to occur, but it was not really how I envisioned my first day back!

The other issue is that I am still breastfeeding and I am trying so hard to continue as long as I can. I do believe that it's the best thing I can do for Emery and my goal was to stick it out at least until she was 6 months old. Therefore, I am pumping at work - let me tell you, it is a pain. Especially with the renovations, there is really no convenient place for me to pump. There is a single bathroom with a lock on the door - however, that's really not an acceptable place (in my opinion) for me to handle what is essentially food for my baby. The only other option is a secure room that is used to count money - it actually is nice...it has no windows, a lock on the door, outlets, and I can continue to work in there while I pump. The only problem is that I have to work around the people who use that room, so I can't pump when I need to and I am afraid that my supply will suffer as a result. Yesterday I was unable to pump as much as Emery ate that day, so I fear I am starting down a slippery slope of dipping into my freezer supply to make up the difference, and I'll eventually have to start supplementing. I know it isn't the end of the world, but the way I see it, having to work shouldn't force me to make that decision. Again, I think that working from home a bit will help with the pumping situation until the renovations are complete.

Other than those pretty significant issues, I am happy to be back around adults and dive into my Luncheon again. It is very difficult to leave Emery in the mornings and I get very little time with her in the evenings because she tends to want to go to bed around 8:00 or even earlier. That's a big change from being with her almost 24 hours a day for the last 11 weeks, and I know that I will just have to get used to it. It is an unfortunate thing to have to work and leave your child, but many mothers do it without impacting their relationship with their baby - which is my biggest fear. I will just have to make the most of the time I have with her in the evenings and weekends.

In other news, Emery had her 2-month doctor's appointment two weeks ago and she was 11lbs, 3oz already! That is 70th percentile for her weight. She is about 23 inches long (50th percentile) - so our child continues to be short & fat. I am very pleased with her growth and so is the doctor! We are keeping her on the reflux medicine since it seems to be doing the trick.

Adam is taking another class at UVA, a cell biology course that he seems to really like. He had his first test yesterday and believes that he did pretty well! He also has a little over a month left of the season at Kings Dominion, which I feel can't get here fast enough. I really miss having him here with me on the weekends.

And now, I am off to continue getting ready for work.

2 Months Old!

Our little girl is two months old today - I can't believe it! They said that the time goes by fast, and in the midst of zero sleep and a screaming baby I really didn't believe it. As a matter of fact, I hoped that it would go by faster so I could enjoy her sleeping through the night, being a happier baby, smiling, etc. Now that she's doing all those things (ok, not really sleeping through the night) I look back and wish that I had tried to enjoy her more even during those really horrible nights and days. Even the many times we were both up crying with each other at 2am, those are moments of togetherness that are gone! I wonder if this is how I will feel for the rest of my life - that our time with her is so fleeting and wishing that I had tried to appreciate her more.

I wrote previously that Emery seems to be doing much, much better. Here on her 2 month birthday, I can happily report that it looks like this change is here to stay! It really is as if someone has flipped a switch! Something has changed in her and I have no idea what caused it - and it literally happened overnight. Our trip to Alexandria truely was a turning point for us. I feel like someone came in during the middle of the night and replaced the sleeping fussy baby with this smiley, content happy Emery! Every day that goes by I am more shocked at the change in her. We can do things with her now that we would have never dreamed of doing before (or if we did, it was very stressful). For example, last night we met Mandy for dinner and went grocery shopping. I would never have taken Emery to a restaurant, even a noisy one, without being on pins & needles and probably spending most of my time walking/bouncing her to try and ward off a meltdown. Last night, however, she took a snooze in her carseat and then woke up to look around, drool all over herself, and let Mandy hold her. I had her in the Bjorn carrier at the grocery store and she was totally content with sucking her paci and taking it all in. She didn't even fuss in her carseat on the way home, which surprised me because she should have been pretty hungry (she was, but I guess she didn't think she needed to scream about it!).

All this is to say that people told me it would get better, whatever "it" was - colic, the reflux, gas, who really knows. I knew they were right, but it seemed like it would be a lifetime away. That magical 3-month mark where everything is supposed to just fall into place was totally unobtainable at three weeks. Now, it's just four weeks away! I feel like we're definitely on the upswing!

Other updates - she is not consistently sleeping through the night, but she pretty much goes down between 9pm-10pm (sometimes earlier) and wakes up to eat between 2am-4am. At least a few times a week she'll sleep until 5am or 6am. This morning - in honor of her 2 month birthday no doubt - she didn't wake up until 6am and then after eating immediately went down again until 8:30am! That was a present for me, I think :) She is also reaching for things but can't grasp them yet. She can definitely see a lot better now, and focuses on objects and tracks them. She smiles and laughes at her mobiles - her favorite is the giraffe on her swing mobile. She will squeal and wave her arms around when she sees it! Every day she does something new and it's amazing now to see how fast she is learning and growing.

Emery has her 2-month doctor appointment this Friday, and she gets her first round of vaccinations. I am really dreading it. I can't stand to see her in pain, so I am sure it will hurt me even more than it hurts her. However, I am looking forward to seeing how much she has grown since her last appointment four weeks ago!

I go back to work 2 weeks from today. I have very mixed feelings about it - I am looking forward to adult interaction on a daily basis, having a schedule, and feeling productive. On the other hand, I am understandably very sad. It is even more upsetting that now Emery is really starting to interact with me and know me, she will start spending the majority of her time with Adam's mom. I am having fears of being replaced or not knowing my daughter anymore...I am so in tune with her right now, it scares me so much that I might lose that connection. I know that these fears are normal and I am sure that it won't be as bad, but logically I know that things are going to change in my relationship with her...and it just kills me.

That's it for now - below are a couple of pictures I took on my Blackberry this morning. I had put her in her crib to play for a few minutes while I put away her laundry, and she was giggling at her mobile and loving her crib mirror.

Happy 2 months, my big girl!!!

Labor Day Pics

After a busy few days, our Labor Day was very relaxing. Adam and I spent most of the day cleaning and watching TV, and Adam even took a nice long nap with Emery sleeping on his chest. That afternoon, we headed to great-grandmother Nanny's house for some hamburgers and hot dogs. Emery was once again a complete angel, didn't fuss at all and let Nanny & Gramps hold her for a while. Below are some adorable pictures of her in her madras pants that her cousin Kelli gave her!

Sleeping in Nanny's arms (her pants are so cute!)

Look how big she's gotten!

OK, there is no denying that she's cute!

This was actually the day taken BEFORE Labor Day, but I had to show the world that cousin Kelli has officially held Emery and survived the experience ;-)

Emery's First Train Ride

Emery went on her first train ride this past Saturday! We had plans to head up to Northern Virginia to meet up with some old friends...so smart of me to pick Labor Day Weekend to drive up I-95 with an 8-week old, right? When I realized that we very well could have quite the nightmare looming in our future (sitting in horrible traffic with a screaming baby that was hungry/wet/fussy/all of the above that you can't remove from her carseat), Adam and I decided that we'd spring for a train ticket. It was the best decision ever! I was free to nurse Emery, change her diaper, even walk her around if she got fussy (she didn't!). We had such a stress-free and relaxing time, I think that just may be the way to travel with Emery. She did great, didn't fuss at all except a tiny bit on the way home because the train was soooo cold. Once we wrapped her up, though, she was all smiles again!

We had a great time in NoVa visiting with some very old friends, some I hadn't seen since I left my old job in Alexandria over three years ago. My friend Sara did a nice job of getting everyone together. I was pretty worried about Emery getting overstimulated and screaming the entire time, but I was shocked that she didn't cry at all unless she was wet or hungry! She even tolerated being held by a lot of people she didn't know, and we were so proud of her.

It was great to see my good friend Tristina and her new little boy, Caelan. Tristina and I were pregnant "together" and she had Caelan on July 9, just six days after Emery was born. Emery and Caelan were even the same size, 7lbs 12oz! However, Caelan has left Emery in the dust...as you can see from the pictures below, he is a big boy! Emery is doing a great job of gaining weight herself, but Caelan puts her to shame. It was wonderful to finally meet him and to catch up with Tristina in person.

I fully admit that I was almost dreading the trip to Northern Virginia with Emery, because I just didn't know how she would react to the experience. However, I am so happy to report that Adam and I had a wonderful time and truly enjoyed spending the day with our happy & content daughter! I believe that we have reached a turning point with her - it seems as if overnight she has become a million times less fussy and a million times more alert & happy. She was all smiles on Saturday, and has continued to be that way over the last few days. Keep your fingers crossed that she keeps it up!

Below are a few pictures from the day (check out my MySpace or Facebook pages for more pics). Thanks again to Sara for putting together a very fun party, and for picking us up from and taking us back to the train station. We'll have to do it again very soon!!

Love to you all,
Michelle & Adam

Getting ready to leave the Staples Mill train station!

Tristina & Caelan - look how big that handome boy is!

Emery & Caelan - I can't believe they tolerated being posed for so long.

Heading home - Emery all wrapped up and hanging out on the boppy pillow.

Emery loves her Uncle Eric!

Uncle Eric came to visit last weekend and spent lots of time with Emery. She was really good for him and even let him hold her for a really long time! Below are some adorable pictures of her with her favorite uncle. When she started to get hungry, she decided that Eric's arm was pretty darn tasty!